Small Victories

When you plan on bettering yourself the changes won’t happen over night. This causes a feeling of discouragement for many people. It’s not about reaching that goal tomorrow. It’s about reaching those goals long term. And making those changes permanent.

Take those small victories and hold them tight. Every baby step is an accomplishment to be proud of. They help build you into the person you want to be.

Don’t give up and you will be victorious.

Three Ways to Strengthen your Relationship

When you fall in love you rarely think about the quarrels you will have in the future. Once the honeymoon faze passes you have to learn how to keep the romance, communication, and understanding. It can often times be difficult because you feel like you have “fallen out of love” when these times emerge. That is simply not the case (most of the time). Marriage is hard work.

1. Keep the romance alive. Just because the “honeymoon faze” may have passed doesn’t mean you no longer have to impress your partner. You should work at making your partner feel special everyday. Whether that means making them breakfast, writing them a cute note, or even just asking them how their day went will make a huge difference.

Also pay attention to their love language. Even though we may feel affection one way, doesn’t mean that’s the way our partner likes to be shown affection. For example: your partner may really enjoy physical touch, but you enjoy quality time. Make sure that you give your loved one the physical attention that they seek.

2. Communication is key in any relationship. Without it you get nowhere. More times than not the one you love will communicate differently than you. One of you may be passive, while the other is outspoken. In order to make this work you have to come to common ground. If you need space during an argument but your partner likes to work it out try giving yourself a few minutes. Then come back and try talking it out to make them feel at ease.

Also let them know when something is frustrating you. No one can read minds and it is unfair to expect your partner to know exactly how your feeling unless you directly tell them. But do not tell them in a condescending way. Just express how you feel in the kindest way possible.

3. Have patience with your partner and try to understand where they are coming from. Always listen to what they are saying, even when it may be aggravating. It is important to be heard in a relationship. If one party feels drowned out then it will not work.

Also understand that you will both make mistakes. And when the person you love makes miss steps do not push away. Explain your feelings about the situation and show them your support. In order to move forward you cannot have unrealistic expectations about relationships. Everybody stumbles at some point. It’s about how they choose to move forward that matters most.

While relationships take dedication, do not continue relationships that are abusive. What really matters at the end of the days is the safety and happiness of both parties. But if your relationship has only lost is luster, it is very possible to get it back. Remember that if you can make it through the hard times together, you will come out even stronger at the end.

Todays World

We are so ugly to one another. We hate based on color, religion, looks, parenting, etc. For some reason we all feel entitled. If somebody is different that means they are in the wrong.

We all need to learn how to be more humble. You are one in a billion. You will never be right 100% of the time. Learn how to love your neighbors. Learn how to show compassion. Learn how to live your own life without worrying about how others are living theirs.

Just Listen…

Sometimes the best thing you can do is listen. Don’t argue, yell, or get frustrated. Just truly hear what others may be saying. Try and see their point of view. Just because you may not share their beliefs does not mean that they are wrong. They just have a different way of viewing the world. Its a beautiful thing that we can all have different thoughts. Being closed minded will not get you anywhere in life. The only way you can grow is to have new experiences, learn new cultures, and see life from others points of view. Only then will you learn what you actually believe.

Just listen.

How to Break the Toxic Cycle You Grew Up In.

When you grow up in an unstable environment it can often times be difficult not to drag that into your adult life. Personally, I have struggled with dragging those toxic traits I learned while young into my current life. How do we get past this and train ourselves to live more positive lives?

  1. Remember that just because you may not have had the best childhood, you can still have a bright future. Bad habits can be unlearned with motivation and positivity. It is ultimately up you.
  2. When you are ready to take the first step, counseling is a great option. There is always this stereotype around seeking a counselor. That you must be crazy if you have to take that measure. That is simply untrue. It is a way to speak about how your feeling without the judgement. They are there to listen, and truly help you build a strong foundation to move forward with.
  3. PAY ATTENTION!!! Really look close at your day to day life. What are you doing on a daily basis that is harmful to yourself and others emotionally? It could be raising your voice, talking down to your partner, or even talking down to yourself. When you grow up watching these things we become accustom to it. Try to realize when you are doing these things so you can correct them in the future. It takes time to break a habit, so don’t expect life to improve overnight.
  4. Try to see the bright side of life. The may be plenty of darkness in this world, you may have experienced this darkness. But you do not have to be apart of the darkness. While nobody is perfect what really matters is that you try to improve everyday. That you take responsibility for the mistakes that you have made so that you can move forward making better decisions.

In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain the old pain.

Mary Manin Morrissey

It’s easy to forget

When I see myself in the mirror sometimes I cringe.. I think about all the imperfections I would like to see gone. My acne, stretch marks, stomach rolls, and so much more.

Sometimes I forget that this acne is from hormones that I cannot control. These stretch marks appeared after recovering from eating disorders and growing my beautiful children. These rolls are something that every woman deals with.

There should be no shame in how my body looks. All of those imperfections make up who I am. They show that I’m unique and beautiful in my own way.

My hope is that one day more people will realize that these “imperfections” are normal. Not only are they normal, but they are beautiful. I pray that more woman and men will feel more comfortable in their own skin. That we can all come to accept that no one is perfect. That’s the way it should be.

We All Make Mistakes

Nobody is perfect. Every single person has flaws. You have to learn to accept that. No matter how hard you try to reach perfection it will never happen.

That is hard for me. I try so hard to be flawless. I have made so many mistakes in my past and I don’t want to repeat them. But I often times try so hard that I run myself into the ground. I become exhausted and feel like I cannot keep going.

I feel guilty at times if my house isn’t perfect. If I don’t make it to the gym on time, or even if dinner does not come out the way I was hoping. What do these things have to do with making mistakes?

Often times we try to reach “perfection ” because we are trying to run away from our pasts. We never want to return to those horrible times. To those horrendous decisions that we made. But quite honestly, you are going to make mistakes. That is part of being human. It is how you handle yourself afterward that matters.

You will never be perfect. But that does not mean that you cannot be a good person. Learn from those mistakes and remember that you are going to make even more. Let them help you build a better life. Not a ” perfect ” one.

Love isn’t Toxic

I’ve always envisioned what it was like to be in love. When I was younger I dreamed of being so entangled with a man that it would hurt to part. That our souls would become one. And that he would be my life.

I’ve been in those relationships in the past. The ones where you feel this “chemistry” that no one can touch. You couldn’t imagine being without that person. Even for a second.

Then those relationships took a downward spiral. I wasn’t looking at all of the red flags. I was only going by the feeling of lust that I had for those men. I ignored all of the warning signs that should have steered me away.

It’s dangerous to not know who you are outside of a relationship. It’s toxic when you cannot fathom life without a person that is clearly not good for you. It surely will not lead to a healthy relationship or marriage.

Love takes a lot more than just “chemistry”. It takes hard work, determination, and communication. Every relationship will have its rough patches. It’s about whether or not you can make it out stronger and together.

It’s not weak to show emotion..

Emotion is natural. Anger, sadness, grief, all of it. Yet many of us grew up believing that emotion was weakness. That we needed to hide what we were feeling.

Emotion is part of being human. It doesn’t make you “weak” or “sensitive”. It shows that you are not afraid of your feelings.

Don’t ever apologize for something that is simply natural. You should never feel like you can’t express yourself. Keeping everything bottled up will only lead to misery.

Cry when your heart breaks, scream into your pillow when your angry, and take your time grieving. Don’t think about who may be judging you. At the end of the day you have to be able to live with yourself.

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