I never feel important. Not to anyone. Sometimes even to myself.
When the people who are supposed to love you the most don’t show it, it takes a toll over time. Family, friends, and especially romantic relationships. How am I supposed to love myself if no one else can even love me? How can I love myself when others feel like I’m to much? How can I love myself when all I’ve been shown is the opposite?
There are so many days since my first trauma occurred that I question myself. Why do I not feel adequate? Even through the greatest of times? The answer is simple. Trauma.
My feeling of being less than others stems from the many traumas I’ve endured. Because of certain things that have occurred in my life, I often times chose negativity instead of positivity. Without even trying. My heart is now so big I feel the need to help people. I’m a way I wish others would have helped me. This causes me to attract people who may not be a good fit for my current life.
It causes me to put others before myself. It causes me to get lost in others issues and put mine on the back burner. And when those same actions I’m giving are taken advantage of, I question myself.
I should question myself, but not in the aspect that I’m not adequate. I’m more than enough for myself, others, and this world. I need to question what kind of people I’m attracting. I need to question what I should change to make myself feel adequate again. I need to put myself first and stop questioning who I am.
My trauma may have caused toxic qualities that are hard to overcome. But I have control over that. I can work on myself. I can continue to push forward and break the toxic cycles that were created. I can choose a better life.
I am beautiful, worthy, and meant to do great things. So are you. No one should feel less than. The people who truly love you, the ones that care the most, will show you that. More importantly you should show yourself that. Life isn’t just the difficult times. Life should also be filled with beauty. So chase that beauty. You’re adequate. So prove it to yourself and those around you.